I hate your face
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
