No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
