you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
