rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
