Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
