Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
