i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
