Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
