Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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