So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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