I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
