Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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