Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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