We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have tasted many bathrooms
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
