The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
