it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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