Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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