did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
