i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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