It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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