I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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