Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
