remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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