so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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