You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
