It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
