So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
