my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
