i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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