Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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