I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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