yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't notice because vodka
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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