do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
