Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
