apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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