The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
