Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
