my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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