Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
