I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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