shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
