Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
