farters have to be the big spoon...
someone owes me an orgasm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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