She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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