Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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