U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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