Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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