I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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