Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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