I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
