Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
