I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
